Lesson Learned Being a Widow.

Written by AllieHudson

September 5, 2019

Life is short
You hear this often in our world today, but very few people understand this until they experience a sudden loss of someone close to them. It happened to me when my husband passed away in his sleep after 18 years of marriage. It was the hardest day of my life. I had been preparing for it for a while. His health had been continually declining, but when it becomes a reality, you change. You have to learn to live life all over again. You have to discover yourself on a whole new level. The growth is forced upon you if you chose to handle it as a learning process. Then to lose a second husband in five years. It fundamentally changes you. You have to learn to go within yourself and find the meaning of you. You have to become on a level that most people do not experience.

Be Grateful
Realizing that life changes in a heartbeat. Literally in a heartbeat. You know that you have to be grateful for the time and people in your life. I used not to understand people and wanted to shut them out to protect myself, but in the process of loss, I have learned to open my heart to people and give them the chance to be them. I have learned to allow myself to be me. I am grateful for each day and each person. I am thankful for the things that I have. I am grateful for the love of the people that surround me and support me. I am grateful for the opportunity to support people. I no longer live life in isolation, but love and acceptance of other people.

Forgiveness is the key to living life
I have had to learn to forgive myself and have mercy for who I am. I have learned to love my family and partner for themselves. It is easy to go through life, pointing fingers at others for what they have done to me. What I have learned is to not live as a victim, but as a survivor and supporter. I have learned that in having mercy for the people around me. I find mercy for myself. I have to be honest with myself, and then I can be honest and accept others for who they are becoming. In life, I have wanted to be a rescuer, but I have learned that accepting others and holding space for them as they work through their concerns is much more productive and loving.

Wisdom comes in living
Wisdom is only learned in living. We all want to know what is coming next, but the important thing is to live in the present and take each day as it comes. We can’t change the future without living in the present. The past is gone, and if we dwell on that, we bring more of the same to ourselves. We have to trust and love. We have to grow purposely. We have to work at becoming who we know we can be. I want my life to be a beacon of understanding and love to the people that I meet and love. It is in loving them that I find the contentment and peace that I need in life. Life is not enjoyed without contentment and peace.

Live in the Present
You can’t relieve another minute or change anything that you have done. So you have to live life in the present. You will appreciate and love life much more when you can do that. When life changes, you will be forced to change. You have to have mercy for yourself and allow yourself the opportunity to change and become the BEST VERSION of yourself. That will mean that you will meet new people and be supported by new people. Most people do not understand how to support you in the death of a family member. They have not been through it. But for the person who is willing to hold a safe space for you then give them that opportunity. Your loss is your process for growth, and it will come in all different forms and processes. Embrace it and let the people who hold a safe space for you be there to hold it with you.

Love and Blessing in this new phase of life will help you move to the next level. Think of it as steps and find people to help you climb.

If you would like to explore the possibilities of where this journal can take you click on this link. I would love to support you in a journey to discover your who you are, and I have a limited number of coaching spots and would love to see if we would be a great fit together in helping you take your journey. May your Dreams be BIG and your life be Blessed, Allie

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